The Pizza Thief

So I hate to think of this person as a neighbor. It is much more pleasant to be surprised when you are expecting worse and get better. But here is the sad truth about a neighbor, a pizza and a theft. I promise a satisfactory twist at the end.

You know what it can be like, a long day, tired, hungry, and not really in the mood for cooking. We ordered one of our favorite pizzas and I poured a glass of wine, we picked a movie and sat down to wait. We waited. And waited. We waited longer than we have ever awaited a pizza before. We double-checked the clock to make sure our hungry and tired state wasn’t playing tricks with our sense of time. We called.

“But your pizza was delivered. You signed for it.” What? “Nope sorry no pizza here.” So after a bit more discussion they agreed to deliver our pizza. The delivery person, upon arrival with our pizza pointed a couple houses up the street and apologetically explained that he was looking for the address and was stopped, a BMW pulled up, parked, guy jumped out with a six-pack of beer (probably canned, probably “Lite”) and ran up to his window and said “great timing, just ran down to grab some beer!” He signed the charge slip (we’d already paid by debit card over the phone) grabbed our pizza and ran into a house.

I’m shaking-upset by all this and even more hungry and tired, but at long last we settle in to enjoy our pizza and the movie in spite of being completely flabbergasted that we have a neighbor who would steal his neighbor’s pizza.

Then it hit. Oh what righteous satisfaction! It occurred to us that the type of person who would steal a neighbor’s pizza was probably hoping for one of those mega-meat pizzas with extra sauce and extra cheese.

We started to laugh imagining the look on the pizza thief’s face when he discovered he had purloined a pizza with neither sauce nor meat, rather he had a lovely pizza covered in spinach, roasted red pepper, walnuts, gorgonzola cheese and olive oil.

Ah! Justice!

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